Sacré Bleu!

Messages had started to reach us from outside camp that the weather was cold and wet on the north coast of Spain and snow was falling across the Pyrenees. As we contemplated our return journey we started to get that feeling you have when you are nice and warm in bed and you really don't want to step out into the cold but you know you can't stay there forever. We didn't want to leave our cosy little bubble on the Med, especially as our planned route home took us across the Pyrenees and up the very wet, West coast of France. On the plus side at least the cold and wet weather clothes we had brought with us would get an outing. 

Having received the counsel of many seasoned travellers, we felt pretty well informed about our journey back home. Although a lot of French sites were now closed we managed to plot a route alternating between Aires and Campsites that were still open. The combination of shorter daylight hours, the weather, plus to be honest the fact that we're hopeless at getting going in the morning, meant that we decided to reduce the distance and daily driving time between our overnight stops. As it turns out that was one of the best decisions we have ever made.

Snow in the Pyrenees was the last thing we needed to worry about as Marleen the MoHo had decided to test our resolve one more time. It was beginning to feel like a rite of passage, a test if you like, to see if we really had the strength of character and ingenuity to be MoHo owners. On the first day of our return journey we had started to hear a wind whistling noise coming in between the sizeable over cab roof window and the seal that it rests on. Although at first this was only mildly irritating, by the second day, as we climbed through the Pyrenees, the wind increased and the air pressure started to force the roof window partially open. The window was performing like an ill fitting toupee on a very windy day. We had to make a couple of emergency stops where we reset the window catches, but to our dismay after only a short distance they would just pop open onto the vent settings again. Eventually some of the catches fully opened and it became clear that we couldn't continue as it was only a matter of time before the wind would just rip the over cab window off the van, leaving us with a very exposed bald spot. So here we were in a parking area at the side of a road in the middle of the beautiful but very bleak Pyrenees, feeling pretty shook up by the whole experience and debating if we could continue our journey or if we needed to call for some assistance.  

I'd read an article before we left listing the 'Top 10 Essential Things for Motorhomers', and somewhere on that list, I think quite close to the top was Gaffer/Duct Tape, I remember thinking at the time why on earth would you need that, but I did buy some, 'just in case'. It had already been successfully brought into service once to reattach the rear skirt to the van that had detached itself on the way down through France. As we couldn't access the roof window on the outside of the van, we decided, with I have to say a little bit of cynicism on my part, to try and seal the window on the inside. 

With a web of tape wrapped around all the catches, the seal and window, plus with Alison holding a long rope fastened to one of the catches, we decided, with some trepidation, to give it a go. Much to our relief the fix stopped the window from lifting and we managed to very slowly limp into our campsite just over the French border.

Avez-vous une échelle? It must be my Yorkshire accent because I just got a blank look from the receptionist. There can't be many people who rock up at a campsite and are more interested in getting a ladder than where their pitch is for the night. She spoke pretty good English but in the end we resorted to a bit of miming as only the English can do when abroad. As night settled and the rain started to fall I was on the roof of the van with a torch taping up the over cab window. The most bizarre thing of all was that an English couple walked past and said good evening, but didn't bat an eyelid, maybe this is just normal motorhome life. The good news was that the tape did a great temporary job that enabled us to get home safely and I think we were pretty pleased with ourselves that we had passed Marleen's fit and proper owners test. I'm sure there will be more to come but hopefully nothing quite as scary as that was. 

It's rare these days to pay for anything in cash, most places are tap and go with your credit or debit card. As I'm sure you can imagine with the cost of fuel, the type of vehicle we were driving and long distances, daily fill ups were not unusual and were one of the major costs of the trip. As we pulled into a petrol station on a French Motorway there was total congestion on the pumps to the left so we headed over to the right, to be honest it was great to have some space to pull into and not be worrying about if we could squeeze into the available space between pumps and cars. It hadn't yet occurred to me why this side of the station was so unpopular. Occasionally at some service stations you have to pay in advance for the fuel, as I put the pump nozzle into the van, nothing happened so I headed off to the shop to pre-pay. From this point on I'm going to paraphrase the conversation which was a mixture of Franglaise from the attendant and me, this went along the lines of; pumps numbered 5-8 were cash only, if you wanted to pay by card you had to use pumps 1-4 where you paid at the pump. There are certain things that push the button for me, and 'computer says no is one of them', what on earth was he talking about, there is total congestion in one half of the petrol station and no one apart from us on the other side. If I had to pay cash for all the fuel we'd used along the journey I'd be towing a safe at the back of the Motorhome. It's at times like this that I really wish I could speak the language and even though my French vocabulary had expanded significantly now that I could ask for a ladder, I didn't think this was going to help me in this situation. Always up for a challenge I gave it my best. "Regarde les voitures" then proceeded to count all the cars (in French I add!) waiting at the pumps, then "regarde les voitures" as I pointed to Marleen, "une". "Toutes les voitures 'use' la carte". This was received with a gallic shrug and I managed a "sacre bleu" before heading out of the shop and realising I'd pretty much burnt my bridges and just hoping we had enough fuel to get us to the next petrol station. It could really only happen in France.

I'm proud of the fact that I was born and bred in Yorkshire, but there is a saying that a Yorkshire man is a Scot with all the generosity squeezed out of him. We had debated buying a Telepeage card for use on French and Spanish motorways. This just means that when you enter a stretch of motorway that you have to pay to travel along, rather than getting a ticket at the barrier you can just drive through and it charges you automatically. Now my logic is that although this is easier for the motorist it's also a cost saving exercise for the company, so I couldn't reconcile myself with the fact that you had to not only pay to buy the pass, but also pay a fee for the use of the automation. I decided that we would be just fine. But of course with a right hand drive vehicle on the continent, it's not the driver but the co-pilot who gets the brunt of it - chief navigator, chief snack provider, chief second pair of eyes and of course in Marleen Alison was also now the chief rope holder so that the over cab window didn't decide to leave the vehicle. The other factor I hadn't considered was that we are neither a car nor a HGV, so every time we pulled into a toll area to collect a ticket or make a payment we were always at the wrong height. Alison had to put down all the paraphernalia she was holding and then as we had no room to open the cab door, she had to try and contort herself through the van window to reach the ticket or payment machine. To top it all off for some unknown reason the Sat Nav would then decide to disconnect itself from the dashboard screen. So toll booths became quite stressful places and I dreaded seeing the signs to say we were approaching a Peage. I have made a promise that next time we will buy a Telepeage pass, whatever the cost! 

As we travelled up through France, we had some lovely overnight stops most of which we would like to revisit albeit with some nicer weather. It was lovely to not really be under any time pressure to get to our next overnight destination, and the great thing about having Oscar is that our morning walk allowed us to explore some of the area where we were staying. We had decided to return to the UK via an overnight ferry crossing from St Malo to Portsmouth. Having read previously about some overzealous officials at the Ferry port incorrectly refusing travel for dogs, we had checked and double checked our paperwork to make sure everything was in order. We'd built into our journey the mandatory vet stop for Oscar to be administered a worming tablet and his passport paperwork had been updated accordingly. The only thing we hadn't checked was that he was actually booked onto the Ferry. It was our error, we'd booked the pet cabin but had forgotten to book Oscar onto the crossing. As we had a pet cabin our logic was that there must therefore be space for Oscar. I was of course forgetting that you should never underestimate the drama of a French bureaucratic process. We were told that having a pet-friendly cabin was no guarantee that there was room for a pet and that she would need to check the system to see if there was availability. I didn't quite get the logic of that, pet cabins are like hens' teeth, so unless someone was taking on board the equivalent of all the hounds from a Boxing Day hunt, there really shouldn't be a problem. It was made clear though, there was little point in trying to debate it, we had to let the process and over exaggerated typing run its course. When the typing stopped, my eyes met with Oscar's big sad doggy eyes, almost as though he knew his fate rested in this moment. As we waited, it began to feel like the dramatic pause before announcing the winner of the latest reality TV show, except that, well maybe I was imagining this, there was almost an edge of disappointment in her voice when she rather reluctantly said there was space and he could travel. With a sigh of relief we boarded the ferry and had a very smooth crossing back to Portsmouth.

It has been a great first adventure in Marleen and it's been a fantastic learning experience. I'm reaching the conclusion that MoHo life is rarely uneventful and we ended the trip much wiser than when we started. I'm sure there is so much more for us to learn. I just hope it's not as fraught as wrestling with an over cab roof window in the middle of the Pyrenees. Our thoughts now turn to our next extended adventure which we expect to be in Spring of '23, but whether this will be our Scandinavia trip or travelling south to Croatia is still under debate. In the interim Marleen is booked in for some major surgery and we plan to have a few overnight trips in the UK.  

We have a couple of weeks of sunshine planned without the MoHo in Jan and then my next adventure is to Antarctica with Meg in March. I've just been reading about the treacherous conditions for ships as they sail through Drake's Passage to get to Antarctica. It is described as one of the most treacherous bodies of water on earth, with waves that can reach up to 12m (40ft). Meg delights in sharing with me YouTube videos of conditions on board these ships! Then just to add to my woes I read an article where the Royal Navy had to come to the rescue of people at a scientific base in Port Lockroy, close to where we are travelling, because buildings were submerged under 4m (13ft) of snow. I've no idea why I agreed to this trip, but I'm now off to check my travel insurance policy and to get to the Go Outdoors winter sale to stock up on my thermal layers. 

I hope you have all had a wonderful Christmas and that you have a happy and peaceful 2023

You can find out more about our trip and some additional photos here

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